A partial retraction

Despite that I once stated I would never date someone with a "weird beard", it turns out that I have, and I am. (See, Baby's Momma: On Weird Beards.) Granted I've only gone on 2 dates with said owner of said beard, so it's not like I am willing to completely retract my theory or my prior statement.

I will however, modify my statement to include that, on the right person, the weird beard is quite cute.

Free Tip

Here's a free tip for you: Don't tell non-pet people about your excitement about getting a pet.

They will undoubtedly react poorly, and you will just be disappointed.

For example, I told my boss B about the fact that I am getting a PUPPY IN 8 DAYS, and he was like - not excited at all, he seemed to be struggling internally over whether it was a good decision (!?) and then said he "SUPPOSED" it was better news than me telling them I was pregnant.

W.T.F. I mean, I understand that you think women should be raising kids, not puppies. I do too. Honestly. But the thing is I'M NOT MARRIED, so I don't really want to just go around and have a kid on my own. And the thing about not being married is that THERE'S NO ONE I WANT TO MARRY, it's not that I'm being too picky, it just my requirements that you don't live at home past the age of 28, that you have steady employment that doesn't involve Blockbuster Video, and that you have a modicum of emotional intelligence are kind of hard to come by in Pittsburgh. As such, I see fit to NOT legally bind myself to some loser for the sake of being bound, and to not let them tap into my sure-to-explode-into-limitless wealth.

(Geez.)

In which I embrace my role as a woman in a kitchen.

Until this point, I have maintained an abundant, though nutritionally obsolete, relationship with food and it's home, the kitchen. Like many working women, I have declared myself "too busy" to learn to cook. Like many singles, I feel I can't cook because it's too much work and food for just one person to sit and eat. Further complicating things: I don't handle meat, and I don't like salad. However, I have been able to survive, because as an unapologetic American, I have found that there is no food coming out of a vacuum-sealed package that isn't delicious, and I have taken advantage of the miracles of modern science.

However, a recent turn of events has caused me to re-think this relationship, and to revisit the true nature of woman-ism and my unavoidable destiny re: preparing and serving food.

My dinners over the past 3 years have ranged from "Exceptional" (No one makes a plain fettuccine with butter and salt quite like I do), to "All right" (I'm remembering my attempt to make fried rice and/or stir-fry), to "Disgraceful" (Recall the occasions where I ate nothing but microwave cheddar cheese popcorn and cool-ranch Doritos for weeks, and my addiction to the "Scooter Crunch Dinner").

However, with the arrival of Trader Joe's to Pittsburgh, I was able to get my hands on more meal-like frozen foods, and I began to dine like as a enjoy the meals that a worldly 27 year old would make. Often, in the span of one week, I would have a microwaved Trader Joe San General Tso Chicken and Rice bowl, as well as a microwaved Bean and Cheese Burrito, complements of Trader Jose, and a Microwaved Personal Pan pizza prepared by Trader Giuseppe. Yes, yes, I lived high on the hog.

In recent days, I notice that my microwave has raised its white flag, and is unable to muster the strength to defrost a Lender's bagel, or to produce enough heat to cook microwave popcorn. Le micro-onde (it gives up so easily, it must be French) is dead to me, and I can only hope that the Home Depot responds to my strongly-worded letter regarding the performance of it's $40 appliance, purchased in 2002. In any event, this leaves me in a bind. Because the finance committee has clamped down, nightly sushi, Chinese and Thai delivery are not in the cards.

For a good week, I felt as though the days of fine dining were over, and I felt lost. But then, remembering the saying "Trees that bend with the wind do not break, but bounce back," I have decided to re-visit femininity and learn the ways of the oven and the frying pan! I have decided that a woman's place IS in the kitchen (for me, on weeknights after 7:00)!! In preparation for a family of my own, and the accompanying responsibility of nurturing others emotionally and nutritionally, I can and I must embrace this!

As such, I have resolved to NOT replace my microwave for a period of one month, and instead, I will cook a real meal 1 day a week, working up to a maximum of 3 days per week. ("Real Meal" is defined as any food substance that is not microwaved that is not cereal, and is not crackers/tortilla chips and cheese, even if the cheese is melted. )

Man, I feel like a woman.

(Note: Blogger is snacking on Doritos and Mike and Ike's - Berry Blast.)

Confession

I love powdered coffee creamer. The bitter aftertaste, the way it covers the bottom 1/4 of my paper coffee cup, the gritty feeling in your mouth when you don't mix it up well enough . . . Ahhhh.

Ming Said

Once a week, I have a telephone call with Ming, a woman from China who is living in Pittsburgh. I got set up with Ming through the Pittsburgh Literacy Council as a TCP (Telephone Conversation Partner). The TCP program is part of learning English for non-native speakers, or, aliens, as I like to call them. (I'm kidding!!) Apparently, communicating over the phone is very different than communicating in person, and Ming and I are supposed to be working on scripts to help improve understanding in common social situations. To date, Ming and I have never worked on a script (Ex: Pretend that you are ordering something from a catalog, or Pretend that you are trying to book a flight), as she is much more advanced than the scripts. Because of this, I have gotten to know her, and to really enjoy her.

It seems as though we talk a lot about Culture. Since I am a right-wing-nut-job, I do my best to be as liberal as possible when describing traditions, or at least, I identify other view points, as I don't want her to repeat something I say and get herself in trouble. I almost never call people dirty hippies, and I preface almost every opinion I offer up with "Well, SOME people think . . ." She is really interested in learning about the nuances of American Culture and Tradition, and I do my best to help her out. Please note, I use the term "Culture" loosely.

For example: I explained to her last week about the Amish, famous for their lack of electricity and running water, their delightful baked goods, and their exemption from taxation. A few weeks ago, I explained to her what a "crack-head" was, but only after being asked. This week, we talked about how Americans think that tan, or "brown-ish", is the best color to be in the summer, and I cited to both Paris Hilton and Mariah Carey as examples of the sought-after color, which is different from China, where the whitest skin is considered the prettiest. To be fair, I said that people like Nicole Kidman and two of my co-workers were part of an anti-tan crowd, but more on account of skin-cancer and wrinkle fears than because of societal norms re: pretty.

In turn, I ask her a lot of questions, and I think that I am learning a great deal about Chinese Culture and traditions. I'm a little hesitant to consider myself an expert on the subject, as the discussions are frequently based on misunderstandings, and I'm not 100% certain that we are always talking about the same things. Once, a discussion about blood drives and blood types led to my discovery that in China, people's personality traits are loosely categorized by blood type (similar to zodiac signs). Those with Type A blood tend to be perfectionists, and those with Type B blood tend to be leaders. I cannot confirm whether this is the same thing and/or corresponds with the American version of Type A personality, and Type B personality, but it seems to be related.

In any event, the main lessons I have learned in the past 8 months are: (1) I would not like the food in China, as apparently the "most delicious" dessert in china is a "bean curd dim sum", and a soup you eat for breakfast, neither of which sound very tempting to me; and (2) I should not yet be worried about not having a suitable husband or boyfriend, as I still have plenty of time, and am a lawyer (not sure how that correlates, but Ming seems to think there is a relationship).

This week, we ended up talking about the differences in dating styles between Americans and Chinese. It turns out that most Chinese live at home until they are married, and then they move in together after marriage. I immediately dismissed that tradition as obvious madness, but then thought about the oft-cited statistic evidencing that couples that live together before marriage have a higher rate of divorce. We then talked about the divorce rate in China, and Ming said that it was lower than in America, probably more around the 30-40% mark, although she noted that it was rising. I told her about the statistics, and wondered aloud whether there was any truth to it - maybe it was better for the marriage to live separately until after the marriage?

Ming Said: "I think that the Chinese can withstand more torture than Americans and that is why they do not get divorced so much."



It's very well put, when you think about it.